As I sit at my laptop eating a Haagen-Dazs Salted Caramel ice cream (and wondering why I can’t lose any weight!) I can’t help but think about all the negativity that has been in my life recently. The internet is filled with negativity and I hate it, so why do I bring it on myself as well? I have made the decision that whilst I will always have to deal with negativity in my life, I don’t have to dwell on it and I don’t have to keep dragging up the past.
I have decided to only write about positive things from now on when discussing my life. It will inspire me to try and stay positive and it will stop me from procrastinating on things that have already happened. They’re in the past. Let them go.
We’re now heading towards the middle of July 2017. In the last two months, I’ve been happier than I was for all of the previous 12 months. Things just seem to be looking up. My Mum keeps telling me to be more positive. Whenever I have a down day she tells me to cheer up and be grateful for what I’ve got.
Yes, I’m still single, but that is mainly through choice. My problem (if you can call it that) is that I’ve become so independent over the last year, I know it’s going to take a really strong guy to handle me. Maybe I’ll soften again when I next fall in love. Who knows. I’d like to think that I can finally find the right balance between being independent and depending on someone.
Just recently I’ve had a lot of fantastic things happen. I can’t afford a proper holiday at the minute but I have had an amazing weekend in Manchester with my best friend. I’ve also FINALLY booked to go to London at the end of this month with another friend. I’ve never been. I’m 29 and I’ve never seen our Capital. I can’t wait!! We’re doing an Itinerary and everything. **Insert super giddy squeal here**
A while ago now I had my hallway decorated. It’s pink with glitter. I’m not kidding. It’s not as bad as it sounds. It was more pink than I was expecting, but you know what? I bloody love it. It’s my house. It’s a girls house. It’s a pastel pink with a very subtle shimmer. It’s great!!! I’ve also finally had my living room decorated. Every wall is white except the main wall behind the TV and fireplace. The wallpaper on that wall is just gorgeous. I can’t stop staring at it. It’s Grey with a Damask print. Again, with a subtle shimmer because I like things that sparkle.
I sometimes catch myself just looking around my house and smiling. I’m so grateful that I have this house. I love my little house. I’m loving it even more now that I’ve managed to decorate it to my own taste.
I’ve been doing a lot more reading. Not just novels, but books about healthier and happier lifestyles, books that do make you grateful for what you have. I have been watching a lot less television and learning more instead. It might sound really sad, but books make me happy. I’ll sometimes rearrange my bookcase and its like a form of meditation/mindfulness to me.
I’ve also been doing a lot of walking and going to the gym finally. I’m on track to getting healthier and fitter. Every day this week so far (it’s Thursday) I’ve managed AT LEAST 10,000 steps. I’ve pushed myself to do more. Despite the Ice cream I mentioned earlier, I’ve been eating a lot better as well. I’ve been snacking less, eating fruit instead of chocolate and making sure I have Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. I very rarely skip breakfast now and I never used to have any. I’ve not had the ‘best’ food day today, I won’t lie to you. But I’m doing better. One bad food day this week is better than 7 bad food days like I was having before.
One of the most exciting things to happen to me this year is that I appeared in a magazine. One of the blogs that I wrote made it into the Craven and Valley Life magazine. I got a double page spread. I’m beyond excited about that and yes, I’m going to get it framed and hang it on my wall. I’m proud of myself and I will flaunt it.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not happy all the time. That’s impossible. I get annoyed at slow drivers in front of me or anything that makes me even more impatient, I get incredibly hormonal when it’s that time of the month, I get so annoyed when someone stands too close to me in the checkout line, I get upset watching sad videos on Facebook. I get annoyed with myself when I realise I’ve been sat for an hour playing on my phone and I actually had lots of jobs to do. I will
probably always be a ‘stressy’ person and I will always need my Mum to tell me to get a grip and snap out of it. (Okay, she’s not that harsh, I’m exaggerating slightly.)
I know that I shouldn’t need a relationship to make me feel complete, but I’ve now got to a stage where I feel like that’s all that’s missing. I have amazing friends, a wonderful family, a gorgeous cat called Lila and my Mum & Dads wappy but amazing dog, Toby. I have a roof over my head, a car to get me from A-B, a brilliant new job and food in my kitchen.
I am happy. I am incredibly grateful. Sometimes I slip back to sadness but once I give my head a shake, I’m right back to where I need to be. We always want what somebody else has got… but I’m finally learning to accept what I have got, love my life and love myself.
My happiness has only just begun and I fully believe that the best is yet to come.
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